who is going to own who, this time ’round?
I’ve had a good long think about this post, which is something I don’t usually do; posts usually being a spur of the moment kind of thing. But since it’s a new year and everyone’s making false promises and hollow resolutions they know they’ll stick to for a couple of weeks, I thought I’d join the party.
This is by no means a list of things I’ll actually, positively, definitely achieve, more-so a list of actions I would ideally like to see occur in the future, in order to see a better me, a healthier and maybe even happier me. God knows trying to do some of these things will be hard enough for any person, let alone someone struck down with depression. But here goes.
The first one is always the big one.
Yup. We’ve been here before haven’t we?
I have most definitely quit smoking more times than the average smoker, I mean, some of them only quit once? Pssh, that’s nothing!
Now, not only would I like to see myself rid of this horrible addiction for the health benefits it’d bring but every time I have a smoke or buy some new ones a little voice in the back of my mind is reminding me of that day I calculated that by quitting I would save over £1000 a year. An extra grand in the pocket and being able to breathe, run for a bus and all other things is surely enough motivation*, right?
(*we’ll get back to that word later)
Healthy eating.
The thing about smoking is, I don’t feel like eating something healthy because there’s something about smoking that makes me much prefer junk food, it’s a nasty little cycle and in order to beat one I’m going to have to kick the shit out of the other too, at the same time. I have the necessary food at my disposal, but yet again require that little bastard, motivation, to get me past the seemingly insurmountable wall of No.
Get fit!
Again, this is inextricably linked to the above two that it makes building up the energy to get started all the more impossible. I have dumbbells, I have a dog I could walk more often. I just need clearer lungs and a healthier diet to get this moveable beast underway.
Another “big one”, you might say.
All of the above are a massive drain on my will to live. Sapping the very energy out of me to even drag myself out of bed of a morning, welcoming sleep every night with a great anxiety towards waking up the next day. No job = no routine = shapeless mess = smoking lots out of boredom = all of the above.
I’m not under-qualified, I’m not stupid, I’m not under-experienced. Why no picky motherfucker will give me a job is beyond me.
Also, maybe a little less
and a little more
which could lead to a little more
I think it was Stephen King who said “If you don’t have time to read, you don’t have the time, or the tools, to write.” And how correct he is!
Although having just received 5 new games for Christmas, this particular distribution of time and attention could prove tasking…
And on top of all that, the wonderful Bex suggested I start each day with a happy thought. An interesting idea, and not one I am too sure I can fulfil, but it’s worth a shot, none-the-less. It’s just that whenever I do think of something happy, I instantly remind myself of how awful I actually am so it all backfires. We’ll see how that one goes.
For now readers, I wish you a happy new year, and all the best.
Peace off!
– everyone has an ulterior motive, remember that 
)
Merry Christmas, followers.
Nigel was out too, good to see him and catch up on things. Everyone else flaked out like the slimy little toads there are, bar Kent, who actually had an excuse.
