So I haven’t posted since September of last year. That’s a mighty long time. There are two main reasons for that – one, the usual lack of motivation to both sharing anything and two, a lack of anything of significance really happening in my life.
2013, so far, is looking quite good through these old disenchanted eyes of mine. I’ve acquired not one but two jobs – the first I’ve been doing since December; helping out on an ESOL course for immigrants that have somehow found themselves in Wolverhampton of all places. It’s challenging work, but incredibly rewarding to see the difference I’m making in somebody else’s life. It also gives me an opportunity to learn about their language, their countries’ history and culture and overall has been thoroughly eye-opening, enlightening and edifying.
The second job is writing-related. Finally, some ~4 years after graduating with a degree in journalism, I have managed to get somewhere as I will now be a freelance contributor to a kids’ magazine that is going to be distributed throughout the country. The best part? I’m doing the film section so it’s basically my job to watch films by Disney, Pixar, Dreamworks and whoever else then write about them!
To state the obvious, these two massive improvements have helped with my confidence and the whole depression thing – something I have actually turned and faced for once instead of running and trying to hide from it. It was either late January or early February where this all came to a head. I finally came to realise that some things which held so much sway over me actually didn’t and that I just allowed them to rule my life. They had no real power over me at all.
All in all, things are looking good. Friends and family have commented on the noticeable change in my attitude and outlook. I’ve noticed it myself at times but only in extreme cases – others just feel natural so they don’t stand out so much.
I feel kind of refreshed. As though things aren’t nearly as heavy, dreary or grim as they used to be (or I at least imagined them to be!). I’m a changed man.
This isn’t to say I’m cured, of course. I’m still prone to very sudden and very severe down time which can come from nowhere and disappear just as quickly. I guess I’m saying I’ve just found a better, healthier way of dealing with it now.
I mean, how many of you would expect to see a photo of me looking smart, making friends with a one year old?
That would be Lily, Francis and Rachel’s darling little daughter. Oh, and that’s how I look most days when I’m doing the teaching. I always liked having an excuse to dress up nice in a shirt and tie etc, now I get to do it more often.
I’m feeling so positive now I’ve started to see the good in the world again, the good in people. I’m almost open to the idea of a relationship too but finding someone who can understand me, understand all of this, and accept it, is one big obstacle. In the meantime I do have some seriously awesome new friends I’ve made, not to mention the old ones too.
I hope you are all well, readers.